Thursday, April 21, 2011

Getting Sleepless

Yet another sleepless night... On every sleepless night, I lay on my bed. Looking up at the ceiling where the fan spins, it goes round and round... Feeling the breeze of wind blow through the window... There goes the feeling again... A sort of pain which isn't the pain of wound... but it hurt more than a wound... A "wound" that will stays forever...


Every time I got an image of it... It's just hurts as much as it did when it was the time it happens. It just won't helps to pop out as I failed to went to sleep... Time is the medicine for everything as it says... so, I assume my medicine dose isn't enough yet to heal... 

Time to let go I said to myself... Time to wake up... 

hey! bullshit... It's time to sleep and dream...

So, it's time to sleep or it's time to wake up... What a difficult choice to make at such a time... still life goes on...^^

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Joker


Joker, a person that plays joke or prank for the sake of entertainment... When I say joker, most people will come out with Batman. So, the person that understand Joker the most is Batman? Bullshit... 

Who understand the joker? When even a joker can't understand himself... apparently NO. Going around messing up things, playing prank on others is entertaining himself or others? Does a  joker has a feeling? How the feeling of being played? Does he ever had one? ermm, HEART? He earns the smiles of others through the misfortune of another... If he was wrong, why others laughed? They don't have HEART either? 

That's humanity, we laugh when we thinks is funny. When we are the one that been laughed at, we get mad, we get hurt. Does this theory implies to our joker? Does he ever get hurt, get mad? He is the mask under his true self, he is too a man. He too have the feelings of others have... Just that jokes are jokes... so, why so serious?

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Bad friend


A friend that doesn't care much about you... Always critics about you... Made fun of you in front of everyone... Never laugh along side you but always laugh when he felt you are funny... bullying you no matters what time what day what situation... Hurts your feelings, so? He never cares... He is such a terrible friend. Have you meet such friend? Bet you have...

How many friends can this bad friend have? who is the unlucky one to be friend with him? A person that only know how to critics, push you down the cliff when you are so meant to jump... friend, huh? 

Haha... so? It's me... a bad friend... no matter how the earth turns... how many years pass by... I am still the person that will keep bomb and shoot... This is me... A fact that will never change... Accept or not it a decision ... Sorry if I disappoint you...  

A bad guy a bad friend... a terrible person...ME~

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Getting nervous

Hmm... time really kills... start to feel bit of nervous d... never felt this in presentation... now the nervousness is building up... gosh... awake or sleeping, whole mind keep viva-ing... argh...


First day of viva is over... see-ing others responses... some looks happy with it... some cool... some seems had a bad time ... some eased through... wonders how's mine gonna be? How's my 15 minutes gonna pass? What will Dr. Nik gonna ask? Is there any major mistake in my thesis... Will Dr. Azwani be in the room? Why is he so annoying in my mind... keeping thinking of him... cant get him out...>.<

Viva... viva... viva... When will it be my turn? Wondering am I prepare for the show. I really need a great boost... My slides numbers quite bothering me... haha... What to do, that's all I have... How well do I understand my thesis? I really don't know actually... I did what I suppose to do... Currently waiting the time to come for me to spark or dim wherever it take...so be it... It's gotta be a long way to go... 

practice makes perfect? 

Friday, March 25, 2011

Days of Interviews

Hmmm... I was missing from the world of blogging for almost 2 months I assume... busy? or lost my passion for blogging? haha... maybe lack of idea or lack of passion plus sorts of busy recently...

After a long wait, finally I was called up for 2 interviews... Gotten so excited with it... Which both are located at Klang... I was firstly called up by Topglove sdn bhd and that's already an excitement which me myself couldn't describe it in words... Then followed by a call from Mewah Oils Group. Then, there started a small conflict in myself, which should I choose? Argh... what ever, just head for the interviews first and see how's the result.

Thanks to my rm edmund for lending his car for my 1st interview... Topglove here I come... For a person like me which who doesn't drive much on da highway and don't even know the way to Klang. Ya of course! Google map is my best friend~ haha... Sadly, I didn't make a details notes on the route which lastly cause me a wrong turning... erm... I was definitely on the right track till somewhere near Subang then I went direct to Subang airport =.= Me myself was shocked when I arrive at the airport. Oh swt... Lastly I did arrive at the factory after some searching...hehe


3.10pm was my check-in time at the guard house for an interview scheduled at 4.00pm. As what I was told by my rm, I was given some forms and some "test" to be done. Wow, I would say those "test" are not so easy as I thought but I couldn't say it's tough either just it took me really some times to finish up all the questions. 4.30pm I settled my test (I forget what time the paper was passed to me) Then there goes a long wait again...

I was called to walk up to the meeting room for the interview... Hmmm... nervous? haha, quite a bit. My 2 interviewers was Lim and Goh (if I did not mistaken), from their looks I think that they are seniors of me by around 2-4 years. I was questioned quite lots of questions on my study my koku, my FYP... erm, 1 thing which plays in my mind till now, they keep asking me not to be nervous. That moment when they was telling, did I felt nervous? If from my own point of view, I was quite calm at that moment... haha since I can have a good talk with them, I am actually enjoying it. Finally, a hand shake after the interview... hehe, their hands are freezing cold I noticed...^^

phew 6pm, my interview ends? when I was about to walk out from the factory... I was called by Lim, I thk for a second interview by the manager or someone more senior... He said the person was in meeting and it's about to end soon and for my case which I doesn't need to come back for a second interview if the interview is done today. Ok, I don't have any comments on that since I was free... waited till around 6.30pm before I was called by Mr. Peon. Hmm... yeap he really looks very calm and very senior to me... At first I still able to answer his questions with sort of confidence but the more question thrown out by him the more dizzy I get... Wow, I would say I really doesn't know how to answer... Why are you applying topglove, we are not doing oil? What you know about glove? How is your course related to glove? (I don't think much related either) ya the hardest 1... I am studying oleochemistry but he said that you are not studying chemistry... I was stunned... I can say that, that was the time I really felt nervous...haha 

Hmm... anyway I find that the manager was quite a fun person to talk with... hehe... the intonation he uses was cute I would say... His cold arrow was really a tough 1...From the interview experience, I have quite a good impression to the factory. ohya, I love the cute guard too...haha... He is so friendly...


My next destination, Mewah Oils Sdn Bhd. Even though both company are located in Klang but both are not at the same place. I need to re-google the map, and this time I am a bit more clever I took down all highway code with me and all the exit code. I was well prepared for the driving this time. Thanks to my buddy Ron for his car too ^^ 

This time I really have no problem with the route taken. I went straight into Pulau Indah west port in around 1 hour time. No swt...haha I arrived there quite early around 12.30+ and actually I planned to take some lunch perhaps before I go for my interview at 2.30pm. I drove around the island and damn... I see only factories all left and right... and the roads starting to go @.@... I decided to drive back to the Mewah oils. Park the car then the alarm rang =.= swt... Ron mention about that d...Ok... I did my best to silent the alarm then I tried to start the engine...gosh... It don't start... then I decided to go for the interview 1st and come back to it later...

Mr. Marcus Loi was my interviewer... Hmm... by the look he looks older than me by more than 4 years... Very soft spoken person. Erm... I was asked on what I know bout oils refinery... Swt, I thought will not be asked... yeap I barely still can remember some of it... ask about soap production (wonder why I go mention bout it =.=) then we talk my activities during my uni life... how the activity carried out and what's the impact of it, how does those activities helps in building character. Ask bout Prof. Ambar? hmm... From his expression I think he knew prof. haha...

And that's all for the interview session... let's get back to the worst part of my interview... It's nothing related to interview by the way. The car... @.@... I tried to hit the battery as was told so... at 1st I uses the umbrella holder as recommended by Ron... and ended up my whole hand get blue black and the alarm doesn't went off... then I think of spannar! I open the back bot and get a spannar and hit slightly and yeap the alarm went off! hurray! but the car still cant be started...OMG... then I touch the battery...the alarm sounds again... and I try to make it silent again...yeap I did it... but this time is @%%%^&%%$*!!!!! I left the car key in the car and after alarm went off the car auto lock! 

I was lucky my handphone was with me that moment... cause I left my files in the car already. I called up Ron and Edmund for rescue... Thanks alot to both my buddy who willing to rush down to help me... Sorry for bringing so much trouble to you guys... I stand below the sun for around 2 hours and get dehydrated =.= I learned a great lesson, never leave your car keys in the car when you get out of it...

It was the experience I had during my internship interview... I hope this memory will stay forever in my mind or at least there is still reference here ^^ hahaha~ yeah! all da best to myself...



Wednesday, February 9, 2011

who am I


Hah... what a silly question can this be... who am I? But after some deep thoughts, I don't really know who am I... Some will come out with the answer such as I am by the name bla bla bla... I am a somebody bla bla bla and so on... but does the question want this sort of answers? it does? it doesn't? So what exactly does who am I means? a somebody?

You might be someone's somebody but others' nobody... You can be everyone's somebody but ended up a nobody to yourself... How do it takes to understand who actually are you? Are you unique? The answer is yes! You are the only one with that particular face, name and stupid attitude of yours. So you are a somebody! You are someone's son/daughter so how hard it is to be a somebody? Why care so much to be a somebody? 

So now... You are a somebody or a nobody? To reach the nobody is seems unachievable when it comes to reality and facts... Be yourself, don't try to be someone not yourself... life is in the hands of ourself... control it wisely with love and care, don't let it control by emotions... 

Think... close your eyes and think deep think hard... then relax... that's life... 
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Hey!
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Who are you?
 

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

了解天秤的我

----我----天秤----很相像----


身为天秤,出生在秋天的天秤,忧郁是与生俱来的-----尽管人前你见不到一个愁眉苦脸的天秤,甚至很多人认为天秤是一个大大咧咧的粗线条.天秤太 善于伪装,或者说,不愿意让不了解的自己的人过多地知道自己的心情。在爱中,尤其如此。天秤的爱永远像是暗恋:有好感的时候,听到对方的名字,看到对方的身影,都会有一种不一样的感觉,但是自己会很克制不表现出来。即使有 机会在一起,在众人当中,天秤跟谁都谈笑自如,亲切有加,惟独对自己在意的那个人,远远的,只用余光感受他的存在。
 

他的一个表情,一句话,都在天秤心里引 起阵阵涟漪。这样做的结果,往往是求近而得远。但是没有办法,天秤就是这样无法克服自己的本能.面对喜欢的人,会莫名地自卑羞怯。其实天秤是很善于和异性 相处的,从小到大,也不缺乏哥们似的朋友。但是,对自己喜欢的那个人,她做不到那样洒脱。哪怕只是主动地打个招呼,也会紧张对方会不会看透自己的心思.天 秤期待爱,但又恐惧爱的力量会将自己拖入万劫不复的深渊。即使两个人最终相爱了,天秤依然表现得冷静有余,热情不足。她会在任何时刻想到你,天气的变化,随便遇到的什么人或者事,念头一闪就转到你的身上去。她会 在夜晚想着你的好或者不好,高兴或者难过地默默流泪。她会设身处地为你想很多很多,甚至想得太周到连你自己都想不到的周到。她会为你的某个失误找各种各样 的借口,在质问你之前已经原谅了你,但是还是要你一个解释,一个简单的合理或者不合理的解释就轻易能让她释怀。她会为要不要给你打电话或者发短信犹豫很 久,生怕打扰到你或者令你不方便不耐烦。她会想象出无数个美好的相处场景,沉浸其中不能自拔。 但这一切,她不会让你知道.天秤并不缺少爱的能量,但缺少爱的勇气。


或者说,如果有什么是天秤不能为你做的事情的话,那就是放弃自尊.自尊是天秤的最后一 块堡垒,生死共存.天秤看上去开朗,其实细腻而心重。她一生都在期待真正懂她的感情的那个人。你来了,她有多么激动;可是,她又不敢相信那个人真的就是 你。她等得太久太苦,以至于都绝望了。所以当那个人出现的时候,她反而慌乱失措了。她不知道如何在一个热烈的爱人与优雅的女人之间做出选择,你更喜欢哪一 个呢?她不断地问自己.一方面,她也在不断地问自己:我这样做会不会失去自我?他会喜欢这样的我吗?如果她不喜欢,我怎么样做回自己? 这样复杂而强烈的情绪,你不会真正体味得到。天秤掩饰得那么好,只会对你微笑,即使流泪,也是静静的,不会哭喊发作。如果有伤害,她会一个人反复回味,直 到在痛的重复体验中失去痛的敏感,再原谅你,继续。她不大会谴责,不大会推卸责任,她永远把错先揽在自己一边.甚至归结为自己个性的缺陷。天秤在爱里的自 卑使她不得不这样在黑暗里爱着。她怕你知道她的"不好",她自以为是的不好.也怕你为她而难过伤心,那样还不如她自己独自忍受。也许伤到最后,天秤发现自 己无力再承受了,她会安静地走开。绝望与崩溃,也不会让你看到,哪怕她痛苦到极点,你看到的,仍然是一个平静的天秤;顶多,有些冷漠。那冷漠也未必是针对 你,很可能,是针对爱的。
 

天秤知道,最输不起的,就是感情.交付起来,是一点点,一滴滴,直至沦陷;破碎时,却是大厦倾颓,天昏地暗。她了解人性中的任何世俗与卑微的心理,她怕自 己柔弱的爱情成为这些丑恶的猎物.-----这就是天秤,即使受伤,她依然会把过错归于人性的弱点,而不会,真正地去恨。你看到她淡淡地来,淡淡地去了,却不知道,她的心无声地碎裂成了什么样子。 天秤的爱情就像在上演的一部电影,他们就在这出戏里,眼看着它从开始到结束。落幕并不可怕,秤子们在乎的是他们成就了一部电影。

 天 秤不喜欢落入俗套中的爱情。与 天秤爱过的人,也许回头来看,都不知道该怎样去评价那个秤子。爱着的时候是淡淡的,离开的时候也是淡淡的,甚至,连分手的理由都不屑追问。假如一个秤子在 你面前掉了一次泪,你决不会想到她在背后曾为你哭过无数回。 天秤的爱情有些自闭。他们喜欢纠缠在回忆里,幻想里,那些破碎不堪的画面对他们来说就意味着完整。其实,做秤子的爱人真是轻松得很,你不用刻意去安排什么 浪漫的场合,你什么都不用做。因为, 天秤都有一颗浪漫的心。只要心里有爱,再平凡再普通的事也被他们美化了。

 
天 秤的内心真的是很温柔。这种温柔绝不是娇柔做作的那种,而是有一颗明事理的心。 天秤懂得尊重别人,这并不是人云亦云,事实上,秤子没有那么多的好奇心去在乎每个人的想法,对自己不在乎的人,又何必较真呢?这是秤子做人的道。而对于自 己爱的人,他们的一言一行秤子会拿来奉做“圣经”。

 天 秤喜欢钻牛角尖,没错。一旦他们爱上一个人,就很难再去相信自己的直觉。他们会抓住对方的一句话,一个举动,然后暗地里穷分析,直到得出自己最确信的答 案。当然,他们得出的结论也是相对客观的,秤子不会傻到蒙蔽自己。但,殊不知这天底下最难测的就是人心,而喜欢猜心的秤子往往是被自己弄得筋疲力尽的。


爱 情是一个人的事。 天秤肯定对这句话大有感触。爱上了,倒反而寂寞了,因为想把自己交给一个人去了解,可这个人懂吗?值得吗?面对着眼前这个若即若离,神秘又淡然的秤子,谁 又会想到他们的内心正起着暗涌。而相反的,爱上秤子的人会在某一天突然却步了,想要放弃了。原因只有两点:一是感到缺乏安全感。摸不透秤子的想法,热度也 不够,温温的。要知道这世上的俗人千千万,也许他们在认识你的第一天就想着跟你上床,而秤子期待的爱情是首先要建立在精神上的,美的,有幻想空间的。于 是,分道扬镳。二是感到秤子的爱是种负担,因为秤子的爱里容不下一粒沙。其实,秤子最喜欢的是和自己过不去,但,人永远无法超越的却是自己。秤子的这个结 老也打不开。


天秤多有自虐倾向。他们天生就懂得“悲剧 艺术”的魅力,他们的爱情里要是没有一点悲剧色彩,就好象是不完美的。矛盾吧?!虽然,秤子们追求的是幸福美满,但他们又喜欢作茧自缚。失恋的秤子,往往 不会寻找什么好的途径来忘却,相反,他们会找出所有的情歌来听,让自己沉浸在其中无法自拔,直到自己都撑不下去为止。   也许,只有那种历经坎坷,途径九九八十一难最后才修得正果的爱情才是他们内心最最向往的。所以,要是没有一点“分量”的感情, 天秤有时就会“分心”。


天秤就是这样的,爱到后来也不 知道自己在爱什么,冷暖自知...... 很多人讨厌天秤,说天秤们难以捉摸,变化莫测,最会当和事老。其实只是他们不了解天秤,上帝的失误让天秤成为了最悲伤的星座,但是善良的天秤们却是单纯的 让人觉得可爱。所以不要琢磨天秤,试着理解天秤你就会爱上她们。 爱上天秤的人也不要困惑,我们是一群没有安全感的孩子,所以我们逃避,我们恐慌,如果你真的爱你的天秤,就把你所能给她的你最大的安全感都给她,最后你会 发现爱上一个天秤是多么幸福!