A loss

For 23 years from the day I was born, I was fated to be your grandson. I wasn't my choice but it was my pleasure. Although this 23 years was a long time but the time I spent with you was not long, it's too late for me to regret as there is no more chance to repay.

There is not much memory within me and you but the memory I had was the sweetest and always kept in mind. I was shocked when I heard the news, I was stunned, I never had anything in mind, I left the office without informing my superior. I was off my mind.

Saw your calm face, I felt happy for that. During the last walk beside you. I dropped my tears, I dropped my tears at last after 3 days beside you. Kept thinking of you telling us to be strong. I just couldn't handle my tears. 

Now you are far in distance, but near in our heart. May you rest in peace. 

A habit of mine

I don't like my comrades been treated poorly... You can scold me... you can say I am in the wrong... Just don't simply judge my comrade performance... I will just react abnormally when someone light up the torch!~ 

I am quite happy today... As my confidence returned... I gained back my comrades trust... The same old sentence..."Where there is support, I will gain my strength to continue " If you keep on discourage me, for sure one day I will leave... 

Internship coming to an end

3 months of internship... not too long not too short... Lecturer from UKM had came to evaluate me... gosh for this I truly duno how to answer her question...haha... Too many comparison among Top Glove interns here... What have I learn during this 3 months here? It's quite a tough question to me... Others doing R&D, I am not... Actually I requested not... They have things to present although some of it seems I know too and more... 

I really know I learn alot... but to mention what I had learnt seems a bit difficult and seems my lecturer don't much believe that I am sort of handling the production line...haha Who on earth will believe a HOF will put a internship person in charge of a production line... That's what I told her... from her eyes I see hmmm...haha... 

In this 3 months... 3 workers that I truly think is capable went back d... Manohari, assistant supervisor went back in my 1st month... I manage to learn some from him...^^ Suresh, another assistant supervisor went back recently... A dedicated person with many own thoughts and dare to voice... Ramjit, hmm a housekeeping leader? hehe... A talkative person, a person I scolded and fight back to me... aggresive one but when he wanted to go back he find me to tell... I really feel the warmness of him...haha... Another few more going back...

I knew I still had lots to learn... I might know some basic but still seems not enough...haha... I know what to do when somethings pop out... but when they question me, how much to add, want to add many Kg... wow, that really give me a tough time... some I base on experience...LOL 3 month experience don't seems can convince people...haha XD ... As long as I still not able to give a firm answer to their question means I still not good enough and much more to learn... At least for now, they starting to ask "opinion" from me... and I tried not to ignore them because I knew if I ignore them then that is the end of the story... As a superior to them, I need to respond fast to gv solution... that's the trust I am building... still building... 

As "half pail of water", I still tried my best to have a training session with them... try to give them a more proper system and try to understand their feeling... Which I felt what my current big boss is not into it... I have my way of leading people which is not his way... he want fast and efficient... mine for sure takes time... He want to build fear among workers... I want to build trust... haha... Trust is not build in a day, but fear can be set up in a day... trust leads to loyalty... fear leads to strike XD

My way and his way seems contrast in all ways... He try to prove his method is the best... I tried to prove him wrong... but he is the boss... let's see how my effort turns out to be...

The working "Cow"

Everyday 7.00am wake... work till 6/7pm... The routine life... hmm... no complains about that, coz I enjoy the life like this... I like the job not because I undergoing a good life in the job... but on the other hand, I was facing quite a tough time at work... haha XD 

I love it when I know I was not alone... I am appreciated... The word "appreciation" means everything to me... My strength, my will, my determination, all come from ONE source... appreciation just like the "trust" Tan Sri mentioned, need to earn... but if keep banging on my weak spot, my "trust" towards you might just collapse... "Trust" is not thing that only works from top to bottom, it works the same for bottom to top... "Appreciation" is the main factor that affect the "trust" of your comrades...

I don't hesitate to work more... to work like a cow or an ant... as long as I am happy... my strength will not go exhaust... I learn fast, adapt fast and apply fast, you don't see that in me means you don't understand me... Once a rock is place in front, the road will be tougher and might just stop someone from advancing. Worst you might just kill someone determination. Learning is fast when practically involved and applied... "Afraid" and dare not bare the responsibility will only make the learning process slow...

I admit I am not too clever... I got not much creativity... creativity is not my strength... Keep on pushing on that part actually just make my strength to weaken... I not afraid of tired... I am not afraid of dirty... I am afraid of not being "appreciated"... I can be symbolize as a cow... a hardworking but without brains animal... You say I have no brains... I am fine... you say I am not doing my job, I couldn't accept because that is all I got... When my hardworking is bypassed, I am left with nothing... If you don't need a cow, you need a chimpanzee then I need to find myself a new home... XD

I like my direct mentor, I kinda love the working environment... I love the workers that work so hard and can see my effort... I don't have much problem with them and I see them as my comrades that fight along side myself, not a comrades that fighting for me... Hopefully one day, he will realize the importance of those comrades... and change some of his mind set... All human are similar... don't treat them as aliens just because they are foreigners... 

Hmm....cow? nah.... I still prefer my bear... hahaha XD

My first month of working experience

Internship to most us... getting my 1st pay in my life... LOL... yup I never do any part time job before... This is my very 1st company to work for... Is my honor or the company honor? haha... 

First month past just like that... How many things I had learn? I duno... I just knew I am getting more and more used to the environment... adaptation is one of my strong point... so no matters how harsh the condition is, how terrible the situation are... As long as I have the will to strive on... A motivation on going, my fire goes on and on... My HOD is my idol, without him I duno how much or how long I can stay... I saw how much he put in his effort and how hard he work... but still keep getting "asah", from my 1st day of work and I saw it... I put a mindset of my own, I am here to assist... I am here to fight along side him...

I did a promise during my interview... I can and I will withstand what ever stress I will be facing... I wanted to play along side him... if really he is to leave one day... I think I will not stay there long... XD as I said I am here to assist... getting know to the line operators, they said the same thing. "Go boss pergi, saya pun balik Nepal la"... He is a very big influence to the factory... but I wonder my DGM knows that? blaming? LOL... This one I keep for my other blog... hehe

Remember back the day I went for interview... the question I asked during the interview... what is the expectation from the factory for industrial trainee... my HOD answered "we need new ideas from new fresh graduate"...yup for this I did try my best to give, and still on going I hope... my DGM answered "we don't expect anything from the industrial trainee, you are just here to learn"... haha... It seems like currently I am doing more than expectation... and he said "I don't care, you all trainee also learn and go into the line and help..." when he said that, deep in my heart, I really wanted to answer him back I am doing lots more than he think I am doing...LOL 

but as usual, my nature... before putting out any words, I will analyse my work and what impact will I get back... this sentence sure get a big BOMB...so... still better not say...XD 

Everyday kena "taruh kaw kaw" by my DGM... seems getting used but I still feel the pain sometimes... I can tolerate the stress, I can take the scolding... but I barely able to cope for saying me not doing my job... I did I he told, and yet he say no... >.< just like the interview session... I study oleochemistry, yet he say I does not study chemistry... mayb that is his "pattern"... He keep complaining his staff so bad and so inefficient... If one day, all his production team suddenly gone... what's the impact? getting new staff? will he get the same kind of hardworking staff? can he find a person that can stand his temper? haha... Guess he never thought of it... 

I always think alot... I think more than he can think... He only think for quality and output... I think for the turnover rate... His relationship with the staff, I can conclude he is not so good in it... but no doubt I respect him as my superior and he is good in controlling using "power" without taking into account of feelings... no democracy or less... Seems everytime I provoke his comments, I sure kena stop in the middle of my comment with him interupting my sentence and then bring over the issue and bye bye...=.=

I will keep improving, I am the kind of person that can't stand kena "pijak kaw kaw"... I don't like kena press... but the same thing plays in my mind... I am a better assistant without needing to make decision, I found my source of motivation, if he is gone I am gone... 

2 week passed by in Topglove F19/20

2 week passes by in Topglove F19/20 during my internship... all of us having intern here always exchange our working experience now and then... we tell and hear others factory stories... seems like every factory have their own way of running and trainning their trainee... most of them doing dipping glove and compounding more to R&D... mine going the other way... I walking management and production route...

They have their fun, I have my challenge... My mentor and my HOD both helps me alot... although most of the time I alone... (almost 80% of the day) but when I get to them... they are willing to spare their time to explain to me... a chemist doing management? haha~ that's what me as production chemist in F19/20 doing... monitor the workers... ensure all are running smoothly...but I am still starting... just going around pushing here and there on minor mistake....

I am the type of prefering management than lab work... my HOD let me choose whether lab work R&D or management? A person like me that is so into management of people during secondary onwards of course choose challeging management... I love this management although I know it will be a very tough route...A failure in lab work R&D seldom get the blame...but a small mistake in production will encounter all sort of blame and scolding from all department especially the boss - GM.... He just love to keep shoot and shoot on production...since production is the heart of the factory that attached to all department... a problem in production means will pull all department down together...

Currently been assigned a big project to do... really BIG one =.=" got me head cracking d... need find out improvement on the production line to solve defects and increase output...@@ ... many of the method done by my HOD during his fresh time... now this burden fell on me again under GM order =.= ... my last project on another one still on going and now here comes another one... let's see... hopefully I can come out with some big ideas...LOL...

On the process to try turn permanent staff too...said need to see first after one month... My work start from 8am to 5.30pm... but I never thumbprint out on 5.30pm... currently record is 5.45pm earliest coz that day sicked...latest is 6.55pm coz follow GM walk the factory for 1 hour....haha.... although I start early back late but I just enjoy my work... haha... I love the stress... I just hate the noise...XD

1st day of Internship at Top Glove F19

Wuhoo... 1st day of internship... 04 may 2011, a memorable day...~ Woke up early 6.30am, ready for my 1st day ^^ after some washing and bathing... there we go 7.30am off we go to work... On the way the factory, we saw Top Glove shift workers walking home to sleep...zzzzz... 

Hmm...1st day, don't know what should I do... Get to the guard house, bla half day to the Nepal guard... at last "saya hari pertama kerja..." solve my problem, he gave a card to punch...Hmmm, probably that card only for me to punch for that day only, tomorrow will start using finger print. Now the next task, who should I meet? So, I meet the secretary which contact me... unfortunately, she starts work at 8.30am...wait wait wait...

At last, I was given my 1st uniform to change... hehe, working here really good, no need to think what to wear to work... After changing, I was given a form... "Chuah, now we need you to go to Top Glove Factory 2 to do medical check-up..." Factory 2? OMG...I need to walk 15 minutes and it's raining outside... hehe, luckily I was quite smart to ask for an umbrella ^^

Factory 2, but where should I do my health examination? Argh.... Who cares? Just simply go in and ask... I went in the 1st office, ask the HR department... he say "you go out of the building, then turn left and go in another entrance.." another entrance? So I walk out and into another office =.= ya, it's another office. So, I just got to ask again... This time the girl pointed to the building I went before and said the clinic is just beside it with the wooden door. Gosh... I look for sometimes and ya I found the clinic. 

Done with urinary test, BMI, blood test, eye sight test, body check, blood pressure... The doctor is very friendly and funny, talking to him was so entertaining...hehe... Off I go back to my factory 19... This time I was lucky to have a colleague I don't know drove a van passed by and gave me a ride. And she told me that, actually factory 19 is actually situated just behind factory 2 and we can just use the back door =.= damn...

After I handed in my signed health report to the secretary. There we go wait for another 5 minutes... Wow, I was handed over to a pretty production/R&D chemist, Chui Yoke to bring... She took me to the operation line... tell me abit about the department and there we are in the office. I was handed a book of production handout to study... good, study again... wow... I tell you, the sound of the stripping air jet was so noisy... makes me dizzy ... My pretty mentor was very busy with the production line...I need to study myself 1st...

Hoho...without noticing the time, she told me it's lunch time d...1pm-2pm, lunch break...punch out and in again at 2pm... back to the production office,  Chui Yoke tell me, later I will attend a daily quality meeting (DQM), so you follow me up to see... gosh, 1st day of work go meeting =.=... It was a long 1 hour meeting... Done meeting, at last my dear mentor Go "free" d... actually he was still very busy just that he bring me along to busy along with him...haha~ We meet the former (glove mold) department head... get the former for my DGM Mr Puon.... Hey, I got 2 free bananas to eat...haha~

There we go...off to the production line... Again we went to QA room see defect gloves... packaging room meet the assistant supervisor... went to the dipping tank... with all the noise around... Really need the ear-plug to reduce the affect on my ears... see the whole process for the glove making... starting from acid tank till tumbler machine... was explained in full by Go. 

Unexpectedly, Go was same age as me...but he is the current head of department... wow... working for around 2 years... He was so capable I could see... managing 2 factory production line...and I was just following him around also felt very tiring... wow, 6pm...my working hours is 8am-5.30pm...now it's 6pm d...hehe... I am still at the factory... not to say, of course Go and chui yoke still around... I still need to type a daily report to hand to my DGM and mentor and all production line staff. 

Phew...at 6.38pm I hit my my card...walked back to my hostel... it's a wonderful day of experience... I get 2 set of uniform 3 pens 1 pencil 1 long ruler 1 erasers 1 stapler 1 calculator and a goody bag...haha... Can't wait for tomorrow, cause I will be given a temperature catching gun to play with...hehe~ that's all for today... fun and stress...nice....  

My last week in UKM

Suddenly everything comes and goes so quickly...It's my last week in my lovely UKM...haha~ Should I feel happy or should I feel sad? Happy to say... Finally I can escape from the study life... Hmm... but a good sign or a bad start still a mystery... but good to hear that the hectic exam and study for the long 18 years of study and exam has finally come to a "temporarily" fullstops. 

I think I gonna miss the study life... exam life? nah... Dun think I gonna miss that... UKM friends and buddies, it's time to say bye bye. It's hard to believe within such a short time, my feeling towards my activities in UKM really get have tight bonds... Now suddenly a "good bye" is such a hard word to say... I don't think I really get wonderful results in my 3 years of study in UKM... perhaps might not be my best but I did really work hard for it...maybe not hard enough. I just got da feeling I can do beyond that, so let's see what can I do this sem? 

Although it's not a wonderful result in d academic but I did not felt regret for that... I enjoyed my life in the university to the fullest... with all sorts of activities I held, I joined, I participated, I put my heart into... I learned I applied...I rethink and I review... The motto "where there is need, I will be there" drive me throughout my university life... Try to helps as many as I can... why? good question. I might not be so generous, help for no repay... but maybe I felt I need to do something to clear my sin, earn some deeds, hoping for a better life for my family. Whether one appreciate or not, it's non of our business... Do what's right, care no more than that.

A person I respect the most during my university life - not a lecturer but more to a mentor to me. Felo Chin, I would like to thank alot. A person with lots of thoughts and I made him my model actually. Always try to think beyond others, figures out small parts, thinking not only out of the box... I would like to say think in the box, out of it, bottom of it and lastly in between it...XD a box is a question, a problems... methods of thinking is the method of solving... there is more than 1 usually...^^ He teaches me by example... by the role he played, by the humor he shows... his smile was just too cool... gonna miss it.

KKM a place I stay for 3 years. No water, lousy wifi, expensive food, expensive rental... but I still stick here for these 3 years. I just couldn't put down my feeling towards the club... haha at last the day to say bye bye comes. I just simply love the club, don't ask me why. The feel is there... these complaints just couldn't affect my feelings...hehe~ now I just gotta wish the club good luck...

There's still some things to be settle... A last exam to go... and adios to UKM... we will meet again September...^^

Getting Sleepless

Yet another sleepless night... On every sleepless night, I lay on my bed. Looking up at the ceiling where the fan spins, it goes round and round... Feeling the breeze of wind blow through the window... There goes the feeling again... A sort of pain which isn't the pain of wound... but it hurt more than a wound... A "wound" that will stays forever...

Every time I got an image of it... It's just hurts as much as it did when it was the time it happens. It just won't helps to pop out as I failed to went to sleep... Time is the medicine for everything as it says... so, I assume my medicine dose isn't enough yet to heal... 

Time to let go I said to myself... Time to wake up... 

hey! bullshit... It's time to sleep and dream...

So, it's time to sleep or it's time to wake up... What a difficult choice to make at such a time... still life goes on...^^

Joker

Joker, a person that plays joke or prank for the sake of entertainment... When I say joker, most people will come out with Batman. So, the person that understand Joker the most is Batman? Bullshit... 

Who understand the joker? When even a joker can't understand himself... apparently NO. Going around messing up things, playing prank on others is entertaining himself or others? Does a  joker has a feeling? How the feeling of being played? Does he ever had one? ermm, HEART? He earns the smiles of others through the misfortune of another... If he was wrong, why others laughed? They don't have HEART either? 

That's humanity, we laugh when we thinks is funny. When we are the one that been laughed at, we get mad, we get hurt. Does this theory implies to our joker? Does he ever get hurt, get mad? He is the mask under his true self, he is too a man. He too have the feelings of others have... Just that jokes are jokes... so, why so serious?

Bad friend

A friend that doesn't care much about you... Always critics about you... Made fun of you in front of everyone... Never laugh along side you but always laugh when he felt you are funny... bullying you no matters what time what day what situation... Hurts your feelings, so? He never cares... He is such a terrible friend. Have you meet such friend? Bet you have...

How many friends can this bad friend have? who is the unlucky one to be friend with him? A person that only know how to critics, push you down the cliff when you are so meant to jump... friend, huh? 

Haha... so? It's me... a bad friend... no matter how the earth turns... how many years pass by... I am still the person that will keep bomb and shoot... This is me... A fact that will never change... Accept or not it a decision ... Sorry if I disappoint you...  

A bad guy a bad friend... a terrible person...ME~

Getting nervous

Hmm... time really kills... start to feel bit of nervous d... never felt this in presentation... now the nervousness is building up... gosh... awake or sleeping, whole mind keep viva-ing... argh...

First day of viva is over... see-ing others responses... some looks happy with it... some cool... some seems had a bad time ... some eased through... wonders how's mine gonna be? How's my 15 minutes gonna pass? What will Dr. Nik gonna ask? Is there any major mistake in my thesis... Will Dr. Azwani be in the room? Why is he so annoying in my mind... keeping thinking of him... cant get him out...>.<

Viva... viva... viva... When will it be my turn? Wondering am I prepare for the show. I really need a great boost... My slides numbers quite bothering me... haha... What to do, that's all I have... How well do I understand my thesis? I really don't know actually... I did what I suppose to do... Currently waiting the time to come for me to spark or dim wherever it take...so be it... It's gotta be a long way to go... 

practice makes perfect? 

Days of Interviews

Hmmm... I was missing from the world of blogging for almost 2 months I assume... busy? or lost my passion for blogging? haha... maybe lack of idea or lack of passion plus sorts of busy recently...

After a long wait, finally I was called up for 2 interviews... Gotten so excited with it... Which both are located at Klang... I was firstly called up by Topglove sdn bhd and that's already an excitement which me myself couldn't describe it in words... Then followed by a call from Mewah Oils Group. Then, there started a small conflict in myself, which should I choose? Argh... what ever, just head for the interviews first and see how's the result.

Thanks to my rm edmund for lending his car for my 1st interview... Topglove here I come... For a person like me which who doesn't drive much on da highway and don't even know the way to Klang. Ya of course! Google map is my best friend~ haha... Sadly, I didn't make a details notes on the route which lastly cause me a wrong turning... erm... I was definitely on the right track till somewhere near Subang then I went direct to Subang airport =.= Me myself was shocked when I arrive at the airport. Oh swt... Lastly I did arrive at the factory after some searching...hehe

3.10pm was my check-in time at the guard house for an interview scheduled at 4.00pm. As what I was told by my rm, I was given some forms and some "test" to be done. Wow, I would say those "test" are not so easy as I thought but I couldn't say it's tough either just it took me really some times to finish up all the questions. 4.30pm I settled my test (I forget what time the paper was passed to me) Then there goes a long wait again...

I was called to walk up to the meeting room for the interview... Hmmm... nervous? haha, quite a bit. My 2 interviewers was Lim and Goh (if I did not mistaken), from their looks I think that they are seniors of me by around 2-4 years. I was questioned quite lots of questions on my study my koku, my FYP... erm, 1 thing which plays in my mind till now, they keep asking me not to be nervous. That moment when they was telling, did I felt nervous? If from my own point of view, I was quite calm at that moment... haha since I can have a good talk with them, I am actually enjoying it. Finally, a hand shake after the interview... hehe, their hands are freezing cold I noticed...^^

phew 6pm, my interview ends? when I was about to walk out from the factory... I was called by Lim, I thk for a second interview by the manager or someone more senior... He said the person was in meeting and it's about to end soon and for my case which I doesn't need to come back for a second interview if the interview is done today. Ok, I don't have any comments on that since I was free... waited till around 6.30pm before I was called by Mr. Peon. Hmm... yeap he really looks very calm and very senior to me... At first I still able to answer his questions with sort of confidence but the more question thrown out by him the more dizzy I get... Wow, I would say I really doesn't know how to answer... Why are you applying topglove, we are not doing oil? What you know about glove? How is your course related to glove? (I don't think much related either) ya the hardest 1... I am studying oleochemistry but he said that you are not studying chemistry... I was stunned... I can say that, that was the time I really felt nervous...haha 

Hmm... anyway I find that the manager was quite a fun person to talk with... hehe... the intonation he uses was cute I would say... His cold arrow was really a tough 1...From the interview experience, I have quite a good impression to the factory. ohya, I love the cute guard too...haha... He is so friendly...

My next destination, Mewah Oils Sdn Bhd. Even though both company are located in Klang but both are not at the same place. I need to re-google the map, and this time I am a bit more clever I took down all highway code with me and all the exit code. I was well prepared for the driving this time. Thanks to my buddy Ron for his car too ^^ 

This time I really have no problem with the route taken. I went straight into Pulau Indah west port in around 1 hour time. No swt...haha I arrived there quite early around 12.30+ and actually I planned to take some lunch perhaps before I go for my interview at 2.30pm. I drove around the island and damn... I see only factories all left and right... and the roads starting to go @.@... I decided to drive back to the Mewah oils. Park the car then the alarm rang =.= swt... Ron mention about that d...Ok... I did my best to silent the alarm then I tried to start the engine...gosh... It don't start... then I decided to go for the interview 1st and come back to it later...

Mr. Marcus Loi was my interviewer... Hmm... by the look he looks older than me by more than 4 years... Very soft spoken person. Erm... I was asked on what I know bout oils refinery... Swt, I thought will not be asked... yeap I barely still can remember some of it... ask about soap production (wonder why I go mention bout it =.=) then we talk my activities during my uni life... how the activity carried out and what's the impact of it, how does those activities helps in building character. Ask bout Prof. Ambar? hmm... From his expression I think he knew prof. haha...

And that's all for the interview session... let's get back to the worst part of my interview... It's nothing related to interview by the way. The car... @.@... I tried to hit the battery as was told so... at 1st I uses the umbrella holder as recommended by Ron... and ended up my whole hand get blue black and the alarm doesn't went off... then I think of spannar! I open the back bot and get a spannar and hit slightly and yeap the alarm went off! hurray! but the car still cant be started...OMG... then I touch the battery...the alarm sounds again... and I try to make it silent again...yeap I did it... but this time is @%%%^&%%$*!!!!! I left the car key in the car and after alarm went off the car auto lock! 

I was lucky my handphone was with me that moment... cause I left my files in the car already. I called up Ron and Edmund for rescue... Thanks alot to both my buddy who willing to rush down to help me... Sorry for bringing so much trouble to you guys... I stand below the sun for around 2 hours and get dehydrated =.= I learned a great lesson, never leave your car keys in the car when you get out of it...

It was the experience I had during my internship interview... I hope this memory will stay forever in my mind or at least there is still reference here ^^ hahaha~ yeah! all da best to myself...

who am I

Hah... what a silly question can this be... who am I? But after some deep thoughts, I don't really know who am I... Some will come out with the answer such as I am by the name bla bla bla... I am a somebody bla bla bla and so on... but does the question want this sort of answers? it does? it doesn't? So what exactly does who am I means? a somebody?

You might be someone's somebody but others' nobody... You can be everyone's somebody but ended up a nobody to yourself... How do it takes to understand who actually are you? Are you unique? The answer is yes! You are the only one with that particular face, name and stupid attitude of yours. So you are a somebody! You are someone's son/daughter so how hard it is to be a somebody? Why care so much to be a somebody? 

So now... You are a somebody or a nobody? To reach the nobody is seems unachievable when it comes to reality and facts... Be yourself, don't try to be someone not yourself... life is in the hands of ourself... control it wisely with love and care, don't let it control by emotions... 

Think... close your eyes and think deep think hard... then relax... that's life... 

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Hey!

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Who are you?

 

了解天秤的我

----我----天秤----很相像----

身为天秤，出生在秋天的天秤,忧郁是与生俱来的-----尽管人前你见不到一个愁眉苦脸的天秤，甚至很多人认为天秤是一个大大咧咧的粗线条.天秤太 善于伪装,或者说，不愿意让不了解的自己的人过多地知道自己的心情。在爱中，尤其如此。天秤的爱永远像是暗恋：有好感的时候，听到对方的名字，看到对方的身影，都会有一种不一样的感觉，但是自己会很克制不表现出来。即使有 机会在一起，在众人当中，天秤跟谁都谈笑自如，亲切有加，惟独对自己在意的那个人，远远的，只用余光感受他的存在。
 

他的一个表情，一句话，都在天秤心里引 起阵阵涟漪。这样做的结果，往往是求近而得远。但是没有办法，天秤就是这样无法克服自己的本能.面对喜欢的人，会莫名地自卑羞怯。其实天秤是很善于和异性 相处的，从小到大，也不缺乏哥们似的朋友。但是，对自己喜欢的那个人，她做不到那样洒脱。哪怕只是主动地打个招呼，也会紧张对方会不会看透自己的心思.天 秤期待爱，但又恐惧爱的力量会将自己拖入万劫不复的深渊。即使两个人最终相爱了，天秤依然表现得冷静有余,热情不足。她会在任何时刻想到你，天气的变化，随便遇到的什么人或者事，念头一闪就转到你的身上去。她会 在夜晚想着你的好或者不好，高兴或者难过地默默流泪。她会设身处地为你想很多很多，甚至想得太周到连你自己都想不到的周到。她会为你的某个失误找各种各样 的借口，在质问你之前已经原谅了你，但是还是要你一个解释，一个简单的合理或者不合理的解释就轻易能让她释怀。她会为要不要给你打电话或者发短信犹豫很 久，生怕打扰到你或者令你不方便不耐烦。她会想象出无数个美好的相处场景,沉浸其中不能自拔。 但这一切，她不会让你知道.天秤并不缺少爱的能量，但缺少爱的勇气。


或者说，如果有什么是天秤不能为你做的事情的话，那就是放弃自尊.自尊是天秤的最后一 块堡垒，生死共存.天秤看上去开朗，其实细腻而心重。她一生都在期待真正懂她的感情的那个人。你来了，她有多么激动；可是，她又不敢相信那个人真的就是 你。她等得太久太苦，以至于都绝望了。所以当那个人出现的时候，她反而慌乱失措了。她不知道如何在一个热烈的爱人与优雅的女人之间做出选择，你更喜欢哪一 个呢？她不断地问自己.一方面，她也在不断地问自己：我这样做会不会失去自我？他会喜欢这样的我吗？如果她不喜欢，我怎么样做回自己？ 这样复杂而强烈的情绪，你不会真正体味得到。天秤掩饰得那么好，只会对你微笑，即使流泪，也是静静的，不会哭喊发作。如果有伤害，她会一个人反复回味，直 到在痛的重复体验中失去痛的敏感，再原谅你，继续。她不大会谴责，不大会推卸责任，她永远把错先揽在自己一边.甚至归结为自己个性的缺陷。天秤在爱里的自 卑使她不得不这样在黑暗里爱着。她怕你知道她的"不好"，她自以为是的不好.也怕你为她而难过伤心，那样还不如她自己独自忍受。也许伤到最后，天秤发现自 己无力再承受了，她会安静地走开。绝望与崩溃，也不会让你看到，哪怕她痛苦到极点，你看到的，仍然是一个平静的天秤；顶多,有些冷漠。那冷漠也未必是针对 你，很可能，是针对爱的。
 

天秤知道，最输不起的，就是感情.交付起来，是一点点，一滴滴，直至沦陷；破碎时，却是大厦倾颓,天昏地暗。她了解人性中的任何世俗与卑微的心理，她怕自 己柔弱的爱情成为这些丑恶的猎物.-----这就是天秤，即使受伤，她依然会把过错归于人性的弱点，而不会，真正地去恨。你看到她淡淡地来，淡淡地去了，却不知道，她的心无声地碎裂成了什么样子。 天秤的爱情就像在上演的一部电影，他们就在这出戏里，眼看着它从开始到结束。落幕并不可怕，秤子们在乎的是他们成就了一部电影。

 天 秤不喜欢落入俗套中的爱情。与 天秤爱过的人，也许回头来看，都不知道该怎样去评价那个秤子。爱着的时候是淡淡的，离开的时候也是淡淡的，甚至，连分手的理由都不屑追问。假如一个秤子在 你面前掉了一次泪，你决不会想到她在背后曾为你哭过无数回。 天秤的爱情有些自闭。他们喜欢纠缠在回忆里，幻想里，那些破碎不堪的画面对他们来说就意味着完整。其实，做秤子的爱人真是轻松得很，你不用刻意去安排什么 浪漫的场合，你什么都不用做。因为， 天秤都有一颗浪漫的心。只要心里有爱，再平凡再普通的事也被他们美化了。

 
天 秤的内心真的是很温柔。这种温柔绝不是娇柔做作的那种，而是有一颗明事理的心。 天秤懂得尊重别人，这并不是人云亦云，事实上，秤子没有那么多的好奇心去在乎每个人的想法，对自己不在乎的人，又何必较真呢？这是秤子做人的道。而对于自 己爱的人，他们的一言一行秤子会拿来奉做“圣经”。

 天 秤喜欢钻牛角尖，没错。一旦他们爱上一个人，就很难再去相信自己的直觉。他们会抓住对方的一句话，一个举动，然后暗地里穷分析，直到得出自己最确信的答 案。当然，他们得出的结论也是相对客观的，秤子不会傻到蒙蔽自己。但，殊不知这天底下最难测的就是人心，而喜欢猜心的秤子往往是被自己弄得筋疲力尽的。


爱 情是一个人的事。 天秤肯定对这句话大有感触。爱上了，倒反而寂寞了，因为想把自己交给一个人去了解，可这个人懂吗？值得吗？面对着眼前这个若即若离，神秘又淡然的秤子，谁 又会想到他们的内心正起着暗涌。而相反的，爱上秤子的人会在某一天突然却步了，想要放弃了。原因只有两点：一是感到缺乏安全感。摸不透秤子的想法，热度也 不够，温温的。要知道这世上的俗人千千万，也许他们在认识你的第一天就想着跟你上床，而秤子期待的爱情是首先要建立在精神上的，美的，有幻想空间的。于 是，分道扬镳。二是感到秤子的爱是种负担，因为秤子的爱里容不下一粒沙。其实，秤子最喜欢的是和自己过不去，但，人永远无法超越的却是自己。秤子的这个结 老也打不开。


天秤多有自虐倾向。他们天生就懂得“悲剧 艺术”的魅力，他们的爱情里要是没有一点悲剧色彩，就好象是不完美的。矛盾吧？！虽然，秤子们追求的是幸福美满，但他们又喜欢作茧自缚。失恋的秤子，往往 不会寻找什么好的途径来忘却，相反，他们会找出所有的情歌来听，让自己沉浸在其中无法自拔，直到自己都撑不下去为止。 　　也许，只有那种历经坎坷，途径九九八十一难最后才修得正果的爱情才是他们内心最最向往的。所以，要是没有一点“分量”的感情， 天秤有时就会“分心”。


天秤就是这样的，爱到后来也不 知道自己在爱什么，冷暖自知...... 很多人讨厌天秤，说天秤们难以捉摸，变化莫测，最会当和事老。其实只是他们不了解天秤，上帝的失误让天秤成为了最悲伤的星座，但是善良的天秤们却是单纯的 让人觉得可爱。所以不要琢磨天秤，试着理解天秤你就会爱上她们。 爱上天秤的人也不要困惑，我们是一群没有安全感的孩子，所以我们逃避，我们恐慌，如果你真的爱你的天秤，就把你所能给她的你最大的安全感都给她，最后你会 发现爱上一个天秤是多么幸福！

天天好天

 

看了这部电影后，我觉得那些给于不好评语的人，我不怪他们，因为他们感受不到这部电影想带出来的亲情、牺牲……他们活到太幸福了……而我，却是第一次在电影院内无法再容忍我的热泪，只又让它从眼眶里慢慢的流下来……这泪我是流给我自己的……

它让我回想起好多好多的回忆……我小时候- 有一次被一根铁枝割伤了脚，是外婆以一人之力把我从村里抱着跑到村外的诊疗所抢救……（虽然当时还小，不记得外婆的着急，但可以意味到当时的情景）小时候，因为调皮任性不想吃食堂（也是我外婆煮的-外婆是那时我学校 的大厨）的食物，老师向我外婆“通风报信” =.= ，外婆竟然抛下手头上的工作特地跑来课室找我！每当夜晚，我是住在学校里，那儿没有风扇，外婆天天都用扇子扇风让我先入睡……我3-5年的童年围绕在外婆与外公的爱心里面……

外公最疼我了……孙子里面应该属我最被外公宠……每当我这调皮的性格发作，惹了外婆生气，外公都会袒护我 “孩子还小，要好好教……”。记得有一次，我竟然把厕所的洗脸盆弄爆！（我也不知道怎样弄的@@）被外婆拿着藤鞭到处乱追……还好外公出来解围……^___^ 我这热爱“MILO”的性格也是外公宠出来的~哈哈……我选择了“MILO”不要“MILK”~……LOL……外公虽然已不在人世，但他的爱我永远不会忘……

妈，人人都知道妈妈是世界上最疼爱儿子的……小时候的我任性，总惹老妈骂……所以整天埋怨为什么妈妈整天打我？？我真的这样讨人厌吗？？（哗……要被天打雷辟！） 也在妈妈自己口中听回来，我是石头……小弟是钻石！ 哈哈……那时，有点erm……但如今石头懂事咯……当石头有什么不好？被挨打的我，当时却没有想过妈妈的感受……只是在那里暗喊痛。相信如果当年老妈没有狠狠地打我，今天的我就不会是“这样的我”……挨打最多的是我，成长最多的也是我……之前小时，老是气妈妈，打我？“我偏偏就要惹你” LOL……想回去也挺好笑的……自己找打@@……我是石头，我不怕痛！！小时候，什么古灵精怪的想法都有……如今，看着老妈现在以一人的能力担起整个家，心也有些不爽……为什么当年我是如此的任性……妈，我爱你！！

老爸……老爸！！！我最怕的人……哈哈~ 家庭里我最怕的……小时候，有得回避就尽量回避，也造成我们之间的感情不深吧~（小时候啦……） 想起老爸，就想起课业……哈哈，很奇怪的联想~ 最怕就是要父母签成绩册……小时候，70分都会被bla被骂很久才签，不签又不能喔！得全校前10名，老爸连称赞都没有的……还是一样被骂>.<"……看来我是被骂上大学的！哈哈哈……没有他高的要求，我就没有今天的成就。老爸在2007年9月16日得了stroke，闭上眼睛回想当时，我真的吓歪了……一直很高大，很镇定的老爸倒了……老爸！快点好起来！！！虽然如今，老爸已醒了，右边运动自然，但左半边依然瘫痪……看老爸现在的样子，我这做儿子的为什么当初没有好好孝顺他……

这部电影让我回顾我的童年……美好的回忆~

家是最温馨的……永远爱护自己的家……

福社- 云顶庆功之旅

云顶上酱多次了……这次最巅了……也是我人生中第一次进云顶的Theme Park！！！哈哈……有爽到！！！！！

22 Jan 2011 - 老熊和13位福社委员+2位客串（哈哈……）一同上云顶！！！！上云顶没什么大不了啦，可是和这班“猴子猴孙”就大大不同……永远用不完的精力（我的华语对吗？LOL……） 早上等Alvin老板，差点就Miss巴士咯……还好在最后一分钟赶到，他一上了巴士就开动了……开向我们的目的地- 云顶！！！！！！！！

 巴士上没有什么事情发生……突然……“喂……巴士还有多久到云顶？……巴士上半山罢了hor？” 哈哈……YK先生有三急！！！“哪……用这个罐……” “哇塞……哪里有酱小！！！小孩子的麽……” （LOL……=.=）就他一句话，把全罢市的人惊醒……哈哈哈哈……可怜的YK，在Alvin的徐徐声弄得七上八下（我的华语有进步！有4个字的！！！）巴士一到站，还没停YK就急着要下巴士……看样子就快泄了……哈哈~

 
到了山上，我可怜的营长忍不住了，要和我们离别回房休息……接着就东逛逛西走走~  就这样走到老熊最“爱”的K-房了……>.<" K-房里，我当然做我最专长的“本领”！！！！哗……这K-房的套餐只有一个字可以形容-“烂”！！！！！我的晚餐就这样，帮忙把另外两人的份给坑了…… 一人的费用虽然扣去没有拿mic，吃了3人的食物，还算“满载而归” @@……

大家“高歌很多曲”后，也是时候回去找我们昏迷不醒的营长了……接着7239套房起了一场风波！！！！“Bowli，是我的话……我不忍他廖……” *bang* *bang* *bang* “Oi Li，他酱讲你……是我的话，我不忍了……” *bang* *bang* *bang* 最后，被打得最残的当然非ah Nite末属……“大团圆-是UKM PAP的人唱的……” “是哦？……我也要参加明年的……” （够厉！！！这样也会被耍着骗？当然只有我们福社组长才有资格受骗啦！！！哈哈哈）

大家洗刷完毕后，我们又东逛逛西逛逛南逛逛北逛逛……11pm 我们电影时间- “天天好天” ，在还没有看这部电影前，我听过总总的评语……“很感动！值得一看！值得再看！烂片！浪费钱！浪费时间！” （我不在这里写我那长长的感想……感想留下一篇Blog再写） 看了以后，我只有一个字的评语-“赞”！ 我做了平时我不做的事，我发了短讯给我妈……内容？不告诉你们……

在冷冰冰的夜晚，一杯热腾腾的巧克力……哗！！！emmmmmmm……过后，我们就分头了，“烂赌”的一族下赌场，不“烂赌”的一族（竟然包括我）回房……赌场风波我就不知道了……原来回房，也是开赌场（不赌钱的）……zzzzzz 哇唠！！！！Wai Kit 开的演唱会果然够“强”……有Alvin和YK伴奏！！！弄得我整夜，耳朵没得好休息……

23 Jan 2011 - THEME PARK！！！！7小瓜先去玩……4个走着回来，3个爬着回来……原来， Theme Park酱恐怖的！！！！还是我的第一次，完了~ 第一个飞椅……旋转后，我差点就站不稳了……早餐都差点不保……这些年轻人果然不放过我这老人家=.= 接着就把我拖到海盗船去……（3个爬着回来的小瓜上了这船后，就倒了……）我？怕怕……

还好啦……我的心藏还安然无损……

我的驾车技术不赖嘛……超车叻！！！！！拼命采油！！！！车还是不会加速的=.=" 显掉！！！！还有那死乌龟babi，竟然在我的车前拼命采Break！！！！啊……啊……气死我了！！！

我今天的挑战！！！！ Space Shot！！！！看都恐怖！！！何况再不久，我就要“送死”了……这是我前后各种表情……

哗……从上云霄的那一刻……我整个人被拖了上去！！！！在云霄中倒数……7！！！那种突然从天堂掉下地狱……心突然往下掉！！！！啊！……那感觉，怪怪的……怕……又有一点怀念，想再尝试！！！哈哈……

今天最后的一个游戏！！！ Bumper boat？（好像是这个名字）

撞啊！！！！死硬撞！！！！拼命撞！！！！玩得最HIGH应该是这个了！！！有人注意Lay Hong吗？她玩得很HIGH哦！！！！哈哈……她那时的表情，哇……简直就是“小看我啦！！看我把你们给撞够够厉厉！！！！！”

就这样……我们福社的庆功之旅也就到了尾声……

福社……一个我本来不是很投入的团体……慢慢的变成一个我觉得很不错的团体……我在里头投入的心血，在我第三年真真的有收成了！！！！第一年的小瓜们，谢谢你们带给我的欢乐，福社接下来的路就靠你们了……我对你们抱着很大的期望！~哈哈……加油！

OLEO Langkawi Trip

14-16Jan is one of my last year great memories with my OLEO course mates... A plan we had planned since last year Dec finally arrived and ended without any regrets... A trip to "烂蕉唯" island....

14Jan - Woke up early in da morning at 4.30am for my flight... wuhoo... my 1st flight since so so so long never took d...10 years? ya perhaps oso got d... rushing to the airport was not nice...haha...4 of us, kok choon, sin min, steph and me was the 1st batch to go on a early trip... The next flight was 4.30pm which consist of another 18 people...so total up we have a massive big 22 OLEO gang (x pa la include mai yi wei and sin min)

"Welcome aboard to air Asia airline the best airline in...." hmmm... best? ok ok...haha with many delays which oso happens on our next batch's flight...(what can be done? cheap ma...haha) wuhoo...I was so eager to go up the plane for my leng lui air stewardess view... but really a big disappointment lo!!!! why my flight geh air steward so leng cai but the air stewardess make-up like "monkey butt"...see liao pun eyes sore...terpaksa la I close my eyes the whole flight =.= 

9++am "We finally arrive at Langkawi airport, thank you for taking the flight with us air Asia... " OK...the island of fantasy!!! here I come!!!! My 1st visit to Langkawi... hmm... cool.... in the airport all counter was car rental, car rental, car rental, hotel rental, hotel rental....bla bla bla.... really looks different from LCCT =.=" woot woots...car rental survey!!! we nid to get the cheapest car rental to fit all 22 people... 

A big hand clap to our kok choon... we manage to bargain and get 3 Serena for 3 days at a price of RM650!!! a normal rate was at RM110 per day for each... a big money saver!!! so that we can spend more and enjoy more...wuhooo~! we still have a long day till our next batch friend arrive at 5++pm... 

What to do? BREAKFAST!!!! we went for our 1st meal in Langkawi...Hmmm...people in Langkawi open their shop lots quite late we noticed... at 10am some shop houses is still in the "hibernating" situation...After our lunch we went for a short survey on our liquor and chocolates price...hehe~ The last day shopping must plan ahead to reduce cost ^___^ 

Time up! round all shop around Kuah town...get a brief idea on which and where to buy...now it's time to check-in to our lovely hotel - Bella Vista!!!!

 

Wow... I was totally shock when i saw our hotel... it really looks like a grand castle!!! and I m gonna stay in it!!! wooooooooooooooooow!!!! I was in cloud nine....cloud ten cloud eleven oso got d.... After check-in, each of us took 1 room...2112, 2113, 2115.... room warming? ya go in and on aircond =.= to "warm" the room...After "warm-ing" the room, we make it lagi warm by taking a nap...zzzz....

2.30pm...A good hot sun indicates many "ball" to be seen at the beach!!! next station pantai chenang!!! the man's paradise...the ladies show!!!! marvelous excitement ~ We went for lunch at a pizza house...with a nice view of all sweet ladies~ wuhoooo... bikinis are everywhere...got big got small got flat got huge...want wat got wat...

Next we went to the hot beach to see some "hot" chicks~ wuhooo... we saw many many hot chicks and oso many many hot "hens" @@...hehe~ sun tanning with so hot body... walking on the beach with bikinis... wat a nice view on the beach...which i will never ever see on Kelantan beach =.=" cun ar!!!! hehe~ after some complains from our gals "participants"...hehe~ we head back to our "castle" for a short evening swim before we go and get our fren ~ I couldn't believe my eyes even at the swimming pool i can have a nice view!! bouncy bouncy bounce...LOL...

5.30pm we rush to airport after receiving their calls...ya calls many many calls...haha~ Airport here we go and now we have another 2 Serena SUV ready to rox!! 3 Serena on the road parking side by side was so cool... OK... gathered with them...Kuah town here we come for our midnite HOK DA LA sapu!!! liquor liquor !!! yam yam yam...red wine !! beer!!!  tonite will be a long long nite!~

Later on we plan to have our dinner and wonderland but unfortunately not open (gone there both nite oso not open =.=) so again we went to pantai chenang but tis time night view nothing to view =.=" 

Nice dinner... We met a cute baby...hmm....haha~ as usual, me the "gold fish uncle" was the most attractive to the cute baby...haha~just really love to play around with little kids... they are so so cute and adorable~ Miss her smile...^^ later on we went to the beach to blow the fresh ocean wind... I really love to view the ocean no matter it is day or night, the feeling is never the same... The breeze coldness get my mind clear...

Wookies...11++pm d... enuff fun at the beach...now it's time for our HOK DA LA happy hour... some of them went back for a good night rest d...But for the "Batangies" was still awake and ready to go for shots and shots of wine!!!! I really enjoy the wine...and also the game....

"BURPPP....." waseh... i just couldn't forget the bad breathe...bie bie go burpp at haw ge la...>.<" I really cant imagine my 1 sentence "smelly la..." make our dear bie bie laugh till the next morning...@@... shots and shots of red wine...we can see everyone turning redish haha~... the scene where bie bie was about to empty her tangki still fresh in mind...LOL...jumping...jumping...jumping using hmmm....LOL...5Litres of wine finish in 1 night...actually still not enuff....=.= all are wine ghost...

zzzz....sleeping time....

15 Jan - Our island hopping day!!!!

I started my day with a can of Budweiser and bottle of Heineken!~ haha... see the bottles on da table? half of them are mine~ hehe~...nice...cheap...and tasty...

Island hopping!~ here we come... paid for RM35 each? i forget the price d...haha~ before da trip everyone went for toilet =.=" waiting for 22 people go in and out of the toilet really takes a long long time...haha~ We are go on 2 speed boats... the feeling was awsome... maybe i didn't sit before ba...haha~

The boat speeds at the speed of??? hmm....wondering does it speed more than 100km/h? the speed was so fast till our "boss" wan fly off d... everyone hair was flying swaying left and right.... the strong wind was so so so cool...the boat hop along a few times before we arrive at our 1st destination the island of Dayang Bunting.

A island famous of its legendary tales of a prince elf falling in love with a princess elf and get married and owns a child but unfortunately their baby died on the seven months of the birth and the princess elf burried her child at the tasik bunting....so the goes the rumor that who ever drink the water from the lake will get pregant!!!! OMG... I wonder how many mouthful of water our OLEO gang tat jump into the lake have drank...

Me of coz drink 0....haha coz as a person that does not really know how to swim to jump into a lake is very impossible haha~ especially when safety precaution was not provided...LOL... here... I went boat "cycling" with lao ban....haha~ 2 ma lat lou sit on 1 boat cycling on the lake..."romantic"!!!! uekksss....haha~ 

Next we went to another island...this time i oso duno wat island lai de...LOL...not much memories here...why? haha coz they went for water sports... I went to meet Mr zhou and had a great time with him in another world.....

Yeap...there we go again...a famous pose u will see me doing it everywhere...haha~ to others it's extra-ordinary... but those pose on me? was just...arhgg....another sleeping pose...haha~ Next we went to eagle feeding...not many shots was taken...

next...where we go d??? hmm....ohya lunch time...haha~ after lunch time we headed back to our hotel and some decided to have a rest...some hyper active 1 no nid rest 1...went to swimming pool d!!!~ The "Batangies" really know how to enjoy themselve...haha~ 

hehe...the splash was made by me....too bad cant see my face =.<" no nice "scene" today...haha....that's wat call good things dun always come twice...haha~ later on, some of us went for banana boat ride... not for me either...haha~ water phobia? hahaaha~ droping into water really makes me feel scared even with life jacket on... 

although there is no banana for me... but i went kayaking... A sport I think is more safe and i m confident of myself...haha~ and addition for us...we got the chance to go out to the sea without any restriction and lay in da middle of the sea and had a nice view of the sun set... it was really awsome to view the sun set so near yet so far... the feeling was not the same to view it at the beach than in da middle of da sea....a nice experience...

As for the "Batangies" , we had our night at the swimming pool chit chating with our bottle of wine...haha till 2am ++ only headed back to our rooms...

16 Jan - the last day in langkawi... and it's shopping day!!!! everyone prepared themselve....those having not enuff was busying "press-ing" money out of ATM!! chocoholic and alcoholic was hunger for their prey !!! Those gals so so so "kong bu" when it comes to chocolate time... big packs small packs...adding up can sum up to few hundreds ringgits even it was duty free and much much cheaper.... 

As for the alcoholic... we only allowed to take 1 bottle of it....too bad....haha~

Next our group seperate into two...1 go for waterfall....another which is my car went for cable car... hmm... the longest cable car in Malaysia must try must try....haha~ not bad...more steep than the one in genting...haha~ We also get on the hanging bridge...even thought it is not very "the" hanging but with the strong wind we still can barely feel the bridge sway abit...and it 700m from ground...waw...scary...haha~

Later we met up in the cafe at the cable car area with others and have our last dinner on Langkawi trip... and we are ready to depart back home and back to our busy life...

The trip was so so happening...so cool....so full of excitement...even though i am really broke after the trip...but i thk it is worth it... i love the "Batangies" i love OLEO!~ i was my pleasure to be one with it...^^

Too much memories too many words....so long passage duno how many would read...haha! but it will always stay in my blog as my sweet sweet memory...